Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 8, Episode 5
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the fifth episode of the eighth series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'RH' – Russell Howard *'CA' – Chris Addison *'EB' – Ed Byrne *'KB' – Kevin Bridges Topics Unlikely Things To Get Through Your Letterbox 'AP -' Royal Mail parcel delivery: We called, you were in, so we ran away before you could answer. 'RH -' Just three pounds a month will save last year's X Factor winner from starving. 'HD -' Do you know what's in your attic? It's me. I've been there since Christmas. 'EB -' Have you seen this dog? No? Maybe your windows are too dirty. Call Kevin, the window cleaner. 'AP - '''Are you looking for a dog walking service? Then call Ace Kebabs on 318 318. '''HD -' Computer problems? Let me come round and swear at it. 'RH -' Why has your girlfriend stopped changing near the window? Love, Dad. 'CA -' Pizza: Buy one, pay full price. 'EB -' How's my driving? Call 0800 CRASHEDINTOYOURHOSE. 'KB -' Dear Mrs Winehouse: congratulations on turning 100. Best wishes, the Queen. 'HD -' Need a room clearing? Call me. I'll come round and fart in it. 'AP -' Looking for an undertaker? Why not call Ace Kebabs on 318 318? 'CA -' Gardening service. Middle of the night a specialty. Call Rose West on Broadmoor - (Audience interrupts) - what, too soon? Too soon? 'EB -' Hi, my name's Ashley Cole. Here's a picture of me naked. 'HD -' Would you recognize a fake ID? No? Great, I'll be back in ten minutes. 'AP -' The Taj Mahal Indian Restaurant. Formerly Ace Kebabs. 'RH -' Open your letterbox. (speaks higher) It's meeeeee! (speaks lower) I'll get through one day... Things You Wouldn't Hear At The Winter Olympics '''AP - '''And here are the British ice dance pair Heather Mills and John Sergeant. '''RH - '''And now over to bobsled. Bob, how's the curling? '''EB - '''And while we wait for them to get set up there we'll just pan the camera around. Beautiful scenery - oh look, there's a herd of moose! Oh no, that's the Romanian women's ice hockey team. '''HD - '''This is the big hill...oh! That's long, that's very long, he's gonna wish he'd done his flies up! '''KB - '''Its 1am in the UK, you're watching the woman's figure skating. Why not just bite the bullet and turn to Television X for the 10 minute Freeview? '''AP - '''And Britain comes away with two gold, two silver and a bronze. Well, that will teach the Austrians a lesson for leaving their locker open. '''CA - '''And with conditions here reaching a bitter -20 C the British hopeful from Newcastle has put on a second string vest. '''KB - '''You're watching the women's curling... men's curling... women's... you're watching the curling! '''AP - '''No one has more experience on the ice than him. What a wonderful games it's been so far for Pingu! '''EB - '''And the conditions are perfect here, aren't they John? Yes they are, Bob, I haven't seen this much white powder since that stag weekend at a hotel in Bangkok. '''HD - '''Oh, and that's what ice hockey is all about: a man having his head repeatedly smashed into a glass wall. '''RH - '''The ski jump will start as soon as the British skier takes his hand off the side and stops crying. '''AP - '''And there, the skier's surprisingly stopped off halfway down for a mulled wine and a shit! Category:Scenes We'd Like To See